Dear Valued Customer,
Hi, it’s me. I know, I know—you didn’t think there was an actual person who ran the company Twitter, or answered the Zendesk tickets, or was, you know, a living, breathing human whose job it was to provide customer support. I assure you, there’s quite a few of us!
Valued Customer, I know what it’s like to need assistance online. One time in college I accidentally purchased 100 bottles of biotin from the Vitamin Shoppe website with my mom’s credit card and needed to cancel. With a “please” and “thank you” in hand, I got that to happen, and the customer service rep who helped me with that was wonderful. Being polite only made sense!
So, Valued Customer, why the vulgarity? I’m talking about the tweets where you curse at us and insult us and make fun of other users who are signed up with us. We cordially reply with something along the lines of, “We’re sorry to hear that you’re dissatisfied! Please let us know how we can help,” and then you continue to curse and insult and make fun of. Sometimes you even say things like, “I will curse you all, you bears in a*ses will f**k !!! [sic]” and then I feel like I need to go to synagogue to wash myself of all the crass.
Hey, I get it. Maybe you signed up for an account one day some months or years ago and you don’t remember. You too want to wash yourself of something. But gosh, you should throw in some soap, because all I can help but wonder is if you talk to your mother that way. Or customer service representatives like that outside the Internet.
Here are some other things you should know: we’ve got one guy who’s about 80% responsible for all our Zendesk tickets. He’s a nice dude. The other 20% is me and my boss, who’s also pretty nice. I got her a Christmas present—that’s how nice I think she is! I think I’m pretty nice too.
We all have pretty thick skin, but when you hurl a fudge you or a your product is shelly our way, we share it with each other and have a chuckle, but golly gee, I’ll reframe it as a question: is that how you talk to a customer service rep on the phone, or behind the counter? Do you turn to vulgarity every time something confusing happens, or you need help with something? I ask because I’m worried about you. I ask because I still care and want to help you.
Look, we’re here, no matter what. We’ll deactivate your account for you if you want us to, no matter what. We’ll answer questions, always be cordial, and even share a GIF or joke with you if it works. We do care!
Your friendly customer service rep
I studied film at a small liberal arts college in Boston, and subsequently saw my best friends divided between Boston and Los Angeles. They’re all up to two things: putting their respective liberal arts degrees to good use, and taking advantage of legal weed.
I have friends attending combination cannabis/yoga classes, having weed delivered from services similar to Postmates, and getting student discounts at their local dispensaries. It’s a weird culture I have little familiarity with, considering I’m based out of New York where marijuana is still illegal. Recreational marijuana use is now legal in 8 states, and it’s opened a wide door for new businesses and new ideas. The market was predicted to have earned $10 billion in 2017, and there’s no doubt that the accommodating taxation can do wonders for the states weed is legal in.
Still, I have a bad taste in my mouth, and it’s not because I have a problem with legal marijuana.
This week, H&M was declared racially insensitive when a hoodie reading “COOLEST MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE” was modeled on a black child on their website. While the retailer offered an apology, this isn’t the first time where they put an offensive product up for purchase, and it harkens back to other incidents where Zara and Urban Outfitters also sold products that drew controversy.
Continue reading “What Small Businesses Can Learn from H&M’s Racial Blunder”
You might think that someone who works at a data company that backs small businesses might have an opinion or two on the bigger ones—and you’d be right. I never thought there would come a day when I’d be so opinionated about Amazon, and it has more to do with Good Girls Revolt being canceled prematurely by Prime.